I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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