I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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