Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
