i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
