So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize