I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
