Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
