you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
