well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
