oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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