It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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