I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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