Will you blow on my dice?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
