Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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