It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
