I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
