Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She even gives head with a lisp.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
