You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize