A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
