was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
