Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
