dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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