the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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