I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
