Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
