I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
