At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
