just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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