Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
