I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
