I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
