my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
