I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize