did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
