oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
