i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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