I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
