Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
