someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
