so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
