Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
