Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
