Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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