If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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