i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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