Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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