my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
