If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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