matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
