Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just want nice things and good sex
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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