Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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