so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize