If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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