i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
