he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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