Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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