you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
