Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
