Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
