Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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