I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
