My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Drunk walkin through police station. America
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
