I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
