So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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