Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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