Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
