I accidentally had phone sex last night
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
