ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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