I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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