and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize