"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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