when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
