hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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