So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
