the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
