I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
