Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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