My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
