Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
