haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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