if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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