those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
