mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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