i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
