Michael Bay diarrhea
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize