I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Randomize
