Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize