Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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