yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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