Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
