I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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