theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
