:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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