well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
