i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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