Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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